Did you know you can review churches as well as fried chicken places?

I like to read yelp reviews, because I am a sad shell of a human being. Did you know you can review churches as well as fried chicken places? Here’s one for Our Lady of the Holy Significance: One star. I’m only giving this place one star because I can’t give it zero. First of all the holy water was bottled, it’s an off brand too, “Lutheran’s Choice”, I saw the priest push a garbage can off to the side that was filled with bottles as I was walking in. Second of all, the crackers were stale and the wine was super cheap. Now when I have guest I only serve them the best wine and crackers, what are my taxes even paying for! The food was packed with gluten too, I can still feel the gluten sticking the back of my throat. OK, maybe I am being a bit unfair. It does have a nice roomy feel. All of the gold, why did those savages even need it when it looks so good here! The head priest seemed very fond of the altar boys, I’m sure they’ll be glad that they had such a good role model growing up. The guy on the cross looks great! Looks like he’s in a bunch of pain, I feel the same way when they mess up my latte. At the same time I know a lot of people who deserve that treatment. But I’m sticking to my one star review because nothing happened when I prayed! It’s like no one is even listening.

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