I put myself through Queen of the Damned a few days ago. I thought it was going to be a non stop laugh riot, the first scene is laugh inducing, but it felt like it lasted 3 hours. It’s not well done, which makes sense since it’s based on a mash up on 2 books by Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat and Queen of the Damned. I’ve always been a fan of the outre, so of course I read Interview with a Vampire when I was like 14, which I remember liking, but I didn’t really get into the other books in that universe. There was one that took place in Florida, which I thought was preposterous, vampires in Fl? Get out of here. The Queen of the Damned flick is so bad it sapped me of my will to put something else on. Everything about it is so cheesy, the accents, the costumes, the music, oh the terrible music. That was the kind of rock music that was popular when I was in H.S. but I hated most of those bands, my allegiance already on the side of death and thrash metal. Heavy metal scatting was something to be mocked at the very least. That was a thing, a thing far too many people supported. In QoftD, all the vampires get annoyed at Lestat for being out, but out of nowhere here comes the vampire queen and fucks them up for some reason. Lestat having woken her up a few centuries ago with some mad violin skills. And then there’s Jesse, who is in a secret group that keeps track of vampires, she’s wedged in the movie for some reason. So Jesse becomes obsessed with Lestat and at one point he consumes/kills someone in front of her, and Jesse is all like WTF, because despite being in a society that studies vampires she didn’t know that vampires kill people. There’s a whole lot of loose threads in the movie, and things just happen to happen. At one point the queen, Akasha, kidnaps/rescues Lestat from his concert that’s being held in Death Valley, takes him to a secret vampire island and lets him know that she wants to take over the world. That concert scene is fucking hilarious, so it’s worth watching. Don’t forget the requisite vampire club, which is nowhere near as cool as the Blade vamp club. The main question that the movie raises and fails to answer is “Why is any of this happening?” Queen of the Damned does it vampire style, it sucks and while robbing you of the precious gift of life.
I’m pretty hyped about the new Alien flick. Let’s watch a classic alien scene:
I’m digging the new Mystery Science Theater 3000. I’ve only seen a few episodes, mainly because I expose myself to terrible movies on my own, but they’ve been good. The movie, however, have been very bad. I already said Let Us Never Speak Of Reptilicus Again, because it’s utterly terrible, it makes QoftD almost look like a real movie, but you have to watch it! And Starcrash! Oh Starcrash! I remember stumbling into MST3K when I was but a lad and being entranced by it, so I’m always glad to watch an episode.